The Honeymoon Is Over
Author’s Note: My husband and I have been serving in South Asia for almost 20 years. I am sharing an article that I wrote in our very first year on the field – 2006 – as I was experiencing culture stress and adjustment, and the Lord spoke to me in a powerful way that became a spiritual marker in my life. This article expresses a truth that I believe even more strongly now, almost 20 years later: When things get hard in the work, it isn’t my love for lost people that keeps me on the mission field; it is my love for the Lord Jesus, and more than that, His love for me. It’s all about Him and for Him.
Before we moved overseas, my husband and I learned about the different stages of “culture shock/stress” that we should expect to go through as we adjust to our new culture. During the first stage, the “Honeymoon Stage,” you step off the plane and are so excited to be in your new home. You notice all the cultural differences and want to love and embrace them all. In short, you see life through rose-colored glasses.
I didn’t really realize it, but this is where I was, for the most part, during our first eight months here. I absolutely loved living in Nepal. It was like a dream come true to me. I loved the food, and we ate it every single day, usually twice a day: ice, lentils, and vegetables twice a day. I can count the number of times I cooked American food on my hands! I wore the Nepali dress every single day. We spent almost every waking minute with Nepalis. When I lay in bed at night, Nepali words swam around in my head.
I loved our city. I loved riding around on our motorcycle, haggling at the vegetable market, drinking milk tea, and riding in rick-shaws. I didn’t mind squatty-potties, dirty little “restaurants,” all the stares, or people walking into our house without knocking. I loved the fact that we were the only Americans in our city, because I wanted to be completely immersed in the culture – the more the better! That’s the goal, right? To “live like they do.”
I didn’t really understand why other people with our organization were having rough times. Why are they complaining about the food? Why do they spend so much time together? Why do they talk so much about the things in America that they miss? Who cares about malls, cleanliness, and nice restaurants? Why are they always using hand sanitizer and soaking their fruit in iodine? It’s not that dirty here.
We even went to Thailand once during that time, just two months after we got to Nepal. Even then, while we were in Thailand, surrounded by cleanliness, wonderful restaurants, and beef, I was thinking about Nepal every day. I sat in my hotel room and studied Nepali. I found the Nepalis who lived there and talked to them.
Last month, my mom and my aunt came and spent two weeks with us. While they were here, I saw Nepal through new eyes: their eyes. Eyes that were fresh from America, eyes that had never seen the third world before, that had never seen such poverty before. Eyes that had never had to get used to seeing dirty, half-clothed children on the street every day. Or people living in little lean-tos that we think aren’t fit for cattle. Or a city full of old, broken-down buildings, dirt roads, and trash everywhere.
Why don’t these things bother me? Why are my mom and aunt crying? Is it really that bad here? It’s surely not that bad, is it? We’re happy here.
Then we went to Thailand for two weeks for our annual meeting. I wasn’t really that excited about going. Other people from our organization were just raving about how excited they were to have Western food, Starbucks, and good shopping, but I didn’t feel like I needed a break.
Sometime around our third day in Thailand, my husband and I went to get a massage together (a whopping $5 for an amazing, one-hour massage). As I lay there, something unexpected happened. All of a sudden, I realized that I had so much tension built up inside me that I had been pushing down and pushing down and convincing myself wasn’t there. I realized I did need a break from Nepal. I do like cleanliness and luxury. I do enjoy having a variety of food and not just rice all the time. I do enjoy wearing American clothes. It all came bursting out of me like a volcano.
What a relief! It’s OK for me to enjoy these “worldly pleasures” while we’re here in Thailand. It’s OK for me to be incredibly tired of living in a foreign, third-world country with no American friends around. It’s OK to prefer cleanliness over filth and prosperity over poverty. I was raised in America, and there are things about American culture that I love!
So, I absolutely ate up our time in Thailand and then our vacation in Vietnam. I ate delicious food, watched movies, got three massages, a pedicure, and three new pairs of shoes. I wore shorts and capris. I spoke English all day long and enjoyed time with wonderful, close friends. I even held hands with my husband in public!
Then we came back to Nepal. This is the fourth time we have entered Nepal from another country, and this time was the hardest for me. I prayed on the plane for God to prepare my heart to serve Him there, and I tried to muster up a desire to be there. But I was a little afraid, especially of facing the isolation we sometimes feel.
As we rode through the streets of Kathmandu in our taxi, my heart hurt as I looked at the poverty around me. It seemed to me bigger than ever before. Horns were blaring, thick exhaust was coming in the window, people with nothing to do were sitting on the sides of the road, and piles of trash lay here and there. The poverty here cannot be overestimated, I realized. It is horrible, ugly, disgusting, and in my face. I should hate seeing it. God did not create people to live like this! It’s all because of human sin, and my heart should cry out with pain often as I live here.
I do not understand it. I compare Nepal to other countries, even other third-world countries, and ask myself, “Why? Why is Nepal so far behind? Why can’t these people seem to make any progress? Why am I here?”
I look at the faces of the people on the streets. It’s because I love them. That’s why I’m here, right? God has given me this “special love” for Nepali people, and that’s why I’m here, right? I tried to convince myself, but I knew that wasn’t the reason or at least the main reason. I don’t even know most of these people. And many times I don’t feel any love for the people here. Sometimes I am angry with them, or look down upon them; sometimes I’m even disgusted with them. That is just reality.
Then God spoke to me very clearly as I sat in silence looking out the window. He said, “Do you love me? Then feed my sheep.”
Tears come to my eyes as I think about it. God rarely speaks to me so clearly, and He gave me the answer I desperately needed. I am here because I love Jesus. I love Him with my whole heart, with everything in me! There is absolutely nothing I want to do with my life other than please Him. That is what keeps me here, despite the sacrifices. I do love many Nepali people, but that doesn’t keep me here. There are some people in America that I love more and that I miss very much. I’m living in Nepal because I love God, and God loves the people of Nepal. He created them in His image to worship Him. And He has sent me here to feed His sheep in Nepal. That is why I am here, and that is what I cling to.
I have complete peace in my heart living here. I know this is where God wants us to be. God gives me many gifts to enjoy here. I have an absolutely amazing husband and think marriage is the best thing on the planet. But I do not try to cover up the ugliness of the sights I see every day anymore. I do not try to pretend that our life is easy or that I don’t miss family sometimes.
Yet in the midst of the harsh sights, I see God. He is calling out to be seen, to be worshipped here. I see Him in the mountains surrounding Kathmandu, the beautiful snowcaps peeking through the smog. I see Him in a bright flower on the side of the road, poking up through a heap of trash. And most of all, I see Him in faces. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes ugly. Sometimes smiling, sometimes crying. People. The eternal souls whom He created for His glory. Souls that do not know their Creator. Souls that are groping around in complete darkness, worshipping idols made of stone.
The task is overwhelming. We live in a sea of lostness. There is absolutely nothing I can do but turn to the Lord. He is the Shepherd. He is the One who finds and saves lost sheep. Father, please help us. How do we get the Gospel out to millions of people? Oh, how we need you, Lord.